Contradictory Corner

I’m really frightened yet I feel like a Giant in the swing of synchronicitys,

Torrid times seem to give me the rhymes I need to succeed in yet another epiphany,

My swelling heart, torn apart by my Arthur’s deteriorating health, Wealth of worry summons up the courage to face some responsibility without reciprocating and radiating healing…….

Although the healing is in the receiving of empathy. What my Dad went through and my Mum before him and after him. How they survived whilst dealing with their own his….to….ries,

Painful experiences led to needing me as much as I needed them creating inequality amongst the dust of emotional loyalty,

I now understand what it took to be a man with mental health issues bringing up a baby with lack of tissues for the lonliness he suffered,

Making practical matters a priority over nurturing as he had nothing left to give,

He didn’t sign up for that either. He went into a marriage expecting lasting love but his inner Frank was weighing zero in the tank of commitment, fearing rejection and abandonment……he drove his wife to a life of lethargy,

Even though she had plenty of her own inner Sheen to ween off the highs, she sank lower and lower especially after giving birth,

Post natal depression saw a sorry confession in the woman who couldn’t cope but didn’t want her daughter to falter,

I feel as they did then and that’s with a poorly Cat, can you imagine how I’d feel if my past sex life had done a deal in my womb?

Cocooning and schmoozing till the celebrations wore off and I was left in a cacophony of juggling myself with another,

Where does the self-care begin and end for myself and my Arthur? When do I get cuddles again after putting him first and sacrificing my thirst for independency?

There must be a discrepancy in the dialogue of dedicated deeds for this is not how I expected our relationship to be,

How long before I fall off the wagon wheel? How long before I give him up because my cup is empty?

Only time will tell for this Story of Jeopardised Jackanory x

Published by mishaddict

I'm a Recovering Addict whom journals around me sobriety issues.

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