The Exchange

Support in exchange for sex yeah?,
I’ll administer the sinister,
Tied up, all fired up,
A lapdance for the first man who sings my praises,

Derails and entails baiting me, to date me within misplaced feelings of connection, a concoction of love bombing, control longing, Co-dependent conning to nail me down in every sense of the word to save him from dealing with the replayed reels of historic heels,

You want me in bed, but I want you to remain in my head. You see, that way, I don’t have to commit to true intimacy because the thought of you is more intoxicating than the actual you, I can re-wire the narrative to suit my desires,

Your salaciousness requires the physical, and mine requires the intellectual. The two kinda meet but not quite as there is no happy medium or restbite,

For we’re avoidant of ourselves and avoidant of others.
Fear of rejection and abandonment brings others into the folds of our insidious disease, pleasing others to appease our needs,

Juggling levels of interests to becoming pests of pendulous distress,

I’m in the solution, and it still gets me twisted in painful predatory pickles of heart-wrenching fickles of imagination,

Alternating between you, an old you then an even older you from the past to make my fantasy last, till it’s time to out my manipulative malnutrition to de-bug the situationships,

And remind me, it’s a way to bond voyage my way outta hurt hotel,
To deviate from healthy plans to sand my sobriety stands,

The foundation to my skin is wearing thin as one upmanship turns into vulnerability.
A facility to end this learned pattern of walling for I must honour my calling to build a healthy relationship with someone who deserves my love and companionship!